Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, and Because it Feels Good: A Women’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction by Debbie Herbenick can provide more information.
SO… send her texts telling her specifically what you’d like to do to her, throughout the day… build the anticipation. Talk dirty during foreplay, and during sex… when her mind is into it, and she lets loose, then orgasm will occur quicker.
But for women it’s usually quite different. Sometimes maintaining stimulation after orgasm can cause you to cruise right into another one. Or, you might be able to dial back stimulation for a few seconds and then ramp it right back up again to bring her to climax. I find this works relatively often.
Women using “too tired” as an excuse for not having sex is so common it’s become a cliche. That’s no doubt because it’s true; 33 percent of women in the U.S. report being too tired for sex. And when you’re not into it, an orgasm probably isn’t happening. When you don’t sleep enough, your stressed, exhausted body isn’t prepping itself for orgasmic nirvana; it just wants to know when it can roll over and pass out.
#5 Under the hood. Give a few more slow licks from above the perineum to just under the clitoris. Finally, give another lick, but don’t stop at the top – keep it going up and it will lightly graze her clitoris. Do this six times, then again but on the seventh, pull your tongue back before it reaches the clitoris.
Additionally, Natalie Angier wrote in Woman: An Intimate Georgraphy that many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm can get past that with the help of a little pot. If she’s amenable to that, it’s worth a try.
Women should also take some time getting to know their bodies and how they work. In a 2011 survey by Debra Herbenick, an associate director at Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, women who felt positively about vibrators and had used one recently reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction – and higher levels of orgasm. If a woman knows what to do down there, chances are she’ll be able to help her partner learn the lay of the land too. And when it comes to having great sex, that’s a good thing. (Looking for a vibrator. Check out our sex toy reviews.)
However, if you’re all freaked out by this and making a big deal about it, then you need to back off. You can’t FORCE someone to come, and trying like HELL repeatedly will make her feel broken or inaqequate. Be anamazing lover, but don’t put her in the spotlight every time you get into bed and try to make this time “the” time constantly. That is tiresome.
Statistically speaking, without having talked at all with the woman, clitoral stimulation of some kind is likely to be most effective in producing an orgasm. And be aware that there is a significant percentage of women who are anorgasmic.
Great tips, and as a woman I totally agree with what’s said here. I hate it when a guy goes too quick from the get-go and will just find a way to stop him. Take your time guys and don’t use the tip of your tongue as much as the flat, soft top of the tongue. Em
By contrast, women who said that they had done these things during their last sexual encounter were about 20 per cent more likely to also tell the researchers that they “usually” or “always” orgasmed.
#1 Hygiene – His and hers. It’s no secret that there’s sometimes a smell down there. By design, the body has scent glands in the genitals just like in the armpits. Your balls have the same thing. But society has a lot more jokes about smelly pussy than about sweaty balls, so don’t be surprised if she feels somewhat self-conscious when you go down on her.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending the last two years reading questions from you guys, it’s that orgasms can be tough. Movies, TV shows, porn and books make orgasms seem like the most magical thing a woman can go through (and, okay, they sort of are!). But if you’ve never really experimented with sexual stuff before, it can be hard to know if you’ve actually, you know, had one or not. And it can be even harder to figure out how to have one.
And I don’t mean masturbate (yet). There’s a lot going on down there, and you should get to know your body. Sit in front of a mirror and check out what’s happening. The fastest way to masturbate is by stimulating your clitoris, so try to figure out where that is. But I wouldn’t bother looking for the elusive G-spot. Just focus on figuring out what’s what and where everything is.
This is all good news for you. Because if you put even a little bit of effort into sorting out your approach and technique, you’ll set yourself miles ahead of the pack. When you’re through, she’ll be blissed out, panting and doe-eyed, looking at you like you’re an absolute rock star.
This goes for all sexual activity, but be creative. Loosen up. Light candles if that works for you. Turn on some soft (or loud!) music if that gets you in the mood. There are no right answers. The key is remaining in the moment, and allowing yourself to loosen up and have a great time. After all, that’s what pleasure is all about.
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And once you reach your second, the doors are wide open: “if you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience,” Rose says. If it doesn’t happen the first time, don’t worry—practicing is something you and your partner can both enjoy.
You see, most males will ejaculate quite quickly if they have their penises rubbed. This applies even if the circumstances aren’t very romantic – or even if they don’t particularly like the person who’s doing the rubbing.
Seconded. It’s also a killjoy if you don’t come and your partner gets all down on themself, or if they can’t accept feedback without feeling threatened, etc. If you’re giving oral, the focus should absolutely be on the person you’re giving oral to, not your ego or self-esteem. (Edited for heteronormativity.)
Alexandra Fine, CEO at Dame Products, agrees that slow and steady wins the race, “There are lots of tips and tricks on how to do the deed, but where most men fail in cunnilingus is during the arousal phase. Women can take 20 minutes plus to get physically aroused. That means that, however slowly you think you are getting from her mouth to her clit — go slower! Wait until she arches her back and thrusts her hips up — then you’ll know you’ve hit the spot.”
“For most women, your partner’s hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure he knows how to use them,” Rose says. Show him exactly how you like to be touched—and then let him explore. (Find out how to Have an Amazing Orgasm: Make Solo Sex Count.) “A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for good reason, as this combination allows him to turn on both the external clitoris and it’s internal roots,” Rose suggests. Move his hands to where you touch yourself, and give him audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
Remember, if you are generally satisfied with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to verbally let your partner know what turns you on the most. And remember, it may take time to learn exactly what that is.
Michael, as always you continue to offer really sensitive advice to help women have more pleasure. I for one, wonder about how you “get it” so thoroughly. You must really listen to women. A quick read of any of your blogs and books would answer Lily’s accusations of missing the surround sound that makes the sexual experience so great for a woman.. I know you advise about that over and over!
#3 Know how and where she likes to be touched. Girls who touch themselves would know the perfect formula on reaching an orgasm in the most enjoyable way they can. This is an important clue to understanding how to finger a girl that most people overlook!
What’s the difference between a vaginal and clitoral orgasm? Is it only possible to have a vaginal orgasm during intercourse? If you can have a clitoral orgasm through other activity, but not intercourse, why is that? If your clitoris is stimulated during intercourse, will that give you a clitoral orgasm during sex? So how do you have a vaginal one? Can you have both at the same time?
I don’t really have trouble reaching orgasm and can usually do so in about fifteen minutes. If there is one thing I would say is that give yourself a break otherwise you’ll just get desensitised. I find that every other day works for me.
Guys tend to go at it too hard, I guess in the theory that pressure is more exciting or because that’s how they like it on their cock. Hard licks or sucking doesn’t feel good to me, it gets into overstimulation and even pain. Light flickers, alternating with very gentle sweeps or circles… that’s the ticket. Also making sure that the woman is comfortable both physically and emotionally. Let her lie on her back, tell her how beautiful and hot her pussy is. Spend time kissing her and looking her the eyes before going down. Touch her other places when you’re down there. I like a guy to caress my thighs, reach down to gently spread my knees apart further (very erotic), occasionally reach up to touch and squeeze my breasts. Murmur and smile occasionally to reassure her you like it and aren’t grossed out by her. If you’ve got the look and demeanor of martyrdom, no one’s going to have any fun.
Add a little zing to the everyday, mundane activities of life. For instance, the next time you take a shower, pull her in with you. Use soap and a loofah to create a soft-and-rough touch. The unbelievably erotic experience will leave her breathless and she will never be able to help but smile every time she showers after that! Here’s a little guide to spice things up.
Create a romantic atmosphere: Remember stress and sex don’t go well together. So if you are planning a sizzling act for the bedroom, it’s imperative that you set the right mood for her. Gauge her emotions before you ask or initiate a lovemaking session. Is she in the mood for it or is she too stressed or tired? Knowing her mood is the key to start the night right. If you are oblivious to the emotions of your partner, then it’s foolish to expect an exciting climax from her, forget multiple orgasms.