I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately since I dont know your wife there is not much more advice I can give. You guys can go to a therapist about it though. There are even sex therapists who specialize in helping people with these problems. And you are not alone a lot of couples go through this.
Some feminists reject the idea that men “give” women an orgasm. They claim that equality requires that each is responsible for their own orgasm. Other people see love making as a mutual activity of giving and taking.
Again, using your sense of touch, soak it all in. Feel it in every possible way you can and notice every sensation beneath your fingertips. Stroke around the whole area: include his/her belly and thighs here, too. Notice what is happening. Is your partner showing signs of pleasure through breath or movement? And importantly, what is it like for you to notice these things? Does it turn you on?
Women get an orgasm by proper stimulation of the clitoris, a small lap of skin just over the vagina. The clitoris can be stimulated by hand, using lubricating gel, by the woman herself or her partner. It can also be stimulated by mouth. If the clitoris is stimulated by her partner, this is usually done before the vaginal intercourse. Note that during normal vaginal sexual intercourse, the nerve endings in the man’s penis are stimulated, but not the nerve endings in the womans clitoris. Only 30 % of all women get an orgasm through vaginal sexual intercourse according to Shere Hite! More.
Once there—NO. BITING. EVER. Like, ever, ever. Seriously, it just hurts. Make sure her knees are still apart at this point, as well as her lips, so you can actually see where you are and what you’re doing.
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I am 34 and my wife is 31. We have been married for five years. Since marriage, we have never been sure whether she has had a real orgasm. I am noticing her interest in sex declining, and assume it is because she is not getting enough pleasure out of it. Please suggest how I can increase her sexual pleasure and provide her with an orgasm.
Although we will never be perfect in accounting for every possible diversity, there is much we can learn from each other that can change the way we interact and communicate our ideas with less potential for discriminatory interpretation and causing heterosexist repercussions, such as those I previously described in my other comment. Speaking to your initial point, it doesn’t matter whether or not the article was written for a majority of heterosexual students. (Does that mean that discrimination is OK as long as you don’t discriminate on the “in-group”/majority group, compared to the “out-group”/minority group?) The actual article is unremarkable to this discussion insofar as there is still a belief that, as you state, “The title…“A Guy’s Guide to Oral Sex”…seems properly worded enough…because that’s what the article is about” continues to be the current position. That is, in fact, not what the article is geared up to be to many people. Therefore, in the context of this discussion and article, it is important to recognize that not only guys give oral sex to women (lesbian women, etc.), and that not all guys that are giving oral sex are giving such to women (gay men, etc.) A more appropriate title would be “Guide to Giving Women Oral Sex” where it does not assume that the person giving oral sex is neither a man, woman, nor anything in between, and does not assume that what is contained in the article is only informative to “guys”. I know quite a few lesbian women that would love to know #1-5!
It just really seems like it’s more about his pleasure than mine. His body..not mine. Emphasis seems to be on his erection. No foreplay, not much touching on his part, though i know every bump and hair on his body. I have to initiate, kiss, touch..etc. He is receptive, but only touches me long enough to see if I’m lubed enough to insert. Then, it’s magic and stars for him. I enjoy it, but would really like to have satisfaction too. Yes, I’ve talked with him about it. I’ve introduced toys, sexual instructional videos, books, ambiance, music, lingerie, suppliments, viagra, etc. He has reached complacency and is done wooing. He blames it on being old…he’s 46. I’m 43. He finally has the woman he’s wanted and the relationship he dreamed of for so long but doesn’t want to take the time to please me? Falls asleep while I’m working the toy to get some kind of satisfaction? Really doesn’t want any part in bringing me to orgasm unless it happens quickly? Yes, I give PLENTY of feedback when he is “working” on me. Now that I know it it “work” to him, it makes me even more paranoid. I have already faked it many times to boost his moral and keep it from fizzling. When I really want to acheive an orgasm, I end up having sex with while he snores. Very frustrated….talking about it only yields more excuses. I’m feeling the need to back off of the affection I show and rethink my adoration for him. I love him deeply and I know he love me, but this is a real issue.
Your primary sex organ is your clitoris, not your vagina. But youou already know that from masturbation. So as long as you orgasm during intercourse, you should not feel like you are missing anything.
a vibrator is not the solution cause then your woman experience an clitoral orgasm and not an orgasm through intercourse. order the dvd program penetration orgasm mastery and learn the secrets of penetration orgasm without vibrators but trhough intercourse. 100% money back guaranteed if you are not satisfied.
Turns out, quite a lot. The reality is most women don’t reach orgasm — at least through sex alone — says Emily Morse. sexologist, host of the Sex With Emily podcast and Hustler Hollywood Contributor. “Between 70-80% of women do not achieve orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone,” says Morse.
Wow, thank you Michael Castlemen! I really enjoyed reading all this information. I have had trouble with having to reach an orgasm and have read articles and passages on how to reach it faster and all I’ve really got stuck in my head is having to wear socks. I’ve also asked a professor of mine if she can burn me an “Anatomy of Sex” video. Pretty embarrassing I know. But with this information, I am going to apply it with my partner and see if I can get there. Thank you so much! 🙂
The way you generalize the habits of my gender are downright offensive. (Note: I am a man.) Why do you assert that we are unwashed, that don’t put effort into relationships, that we don’t understand some women like to be on top, or that vibrators are some substitute for intimacy. Myself, I bathe once a week whether I need it or not! Ok kidding…. I shower once or twice daily, I romance my loving wife of 13 years on a regular basis, we try all sorts of wonderful sex positions and activities, and yes, heaven forbid, we own sex toys that we use on ourselves and on each other. But here’s a nugget for you – my sex life has actually improved in quality and quantity as I approach the big 4-0. This columnist (of whom I’ve become a recent fan) is offering tips, not telling men everything they need to know. Many of his tips are spot on and have helped me help my wife orgasm. As she enjoys sex more, guess what? She wants more! Which, as the partner with the stronger libido, pleases me oh so very much. Further, now that I take more time to warm her up (massage, blindfolded sensual arousal, sex toys, extended oral, a little role play, etc,) for a good 30 mins before intercourse, she’s having waaayyyyyyy more orgasms. And – Bonus! – it has reminded her that intimacy before intercourse is a two-way street. I’m getting more oral attention, prostate pleasure, and general arousal because of her desire to focus on my pleasure the way I’ve begun to focus on her. How is that being “all about him”…?
Some of it is out of your hands. Many women will tell you that an orgasm is nigh on impossible if she’s not in the right head space. If she’s distracted, worried or feeling uncomfortable, you can be the world’s greatest lover and still fail to give her real pleasure. So the first thing you need to do is relax and recognize that it’s not all about you. On the other hand, any man worth a place in bed beside a woman knows that he bears some responsibility for sexual satisfaction. For that part of the equation, read on for our for tips to make her orgasm.
Published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, a team of US researchers analysed data collected through an online survey, hosted on the NBC News website, based on responses from more than 52,000 participants aged between 18 and 65 who were in a relationship with one person.
We’ve all heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that’s on par with having hair like a Victoria’s Secret angel and a metabolism that can burn right through morning bagels. But sexperts are here to reassure us all that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that we can all have them!
The clitoris is the little nub of tissue that sits outside the vagina and a few inches above it beneath the upper junction of the vaginal lips. Even vigorous prolonged intercourse seldom provides enough clitoral stimulation for orgasm. Most women really need clitoral caresses from a hand, tongue, or vibrator. Unless she specifically requests intense touch, caress her clitoris very gently. It contains as many touch-sensitive nerves as the head of the penis, but they’re packed into an organ only about one-tenth the size. As a result, even gentle caresses may feel too intense for many women. Discuss this. If she doesn’t enjoy direct clitoral touch, caress around her clitoris.
My proposed title for this article to keep it from grievously inhibiting the cause of social justice within our society is “Possible Avenues for Providing Pleasure to Vaginas by Utilizing Your Mouth and Hands.” If StudLife will make this change then I think we’ll be most of the way towards solving society’s problems, and once we sort out racial, sexual, gender, social, physical, age, and other inequalities we’ll be the rest of the way there. I’m kind of busy over Winter Break but I think we can probably do it next semester if the Social Justice Center is willing to help out.
Aside from using your hands and tongue, there are some tricks you can use to make oral sex even more exciting. For example, using mentholated mints or mouthwash before performing oral sex can heighten the pleasure. When your breath is fresh and tingly from a strong mint, your partner will feel the tingling sensation along her vaginal lips and clitoris. You could also try using warming or cooling lubricants or scented massage oils to arouse your girl and amp up the excitement.
For some women, orgasm during intercourse is nearly impossible, and it is very easy for sex to become some sort of contest between them and their partners to “make it happen.” Don’t try too hard. Don’t try every time. Don’t concentrate too much on the physical, or strictly on technique.
As we all pursue our higher purposes and make contributions to the world around us, there is undoubtedly a component of interaction that takes place with other people, all with their own differences categorically spanned across both majority and minority groups and areas of opinion. With the intent of being mindful of those around us and in doing our best to be compassionate in what we do, be it someone that writes for a newspaper or interacts daily with students as a housekeeper on the South 40, we all make/intend an effort, conscious or not, and to different degrees, to not make preconceived judgments and assumptions about the people with whom we interact. Discrimination is defined in many ways, but it is simply “the state of being biased or having a belief or attitude formed beforehand.” Thus, it is THIS underlying causative factor that forms the foundation of racism, sizeism, classism, heterosexism, etc. Whether or not we see these discriminations exemplified by society (or a given article that makes a preconceived judgment/assumption that its readers are heterosexual) depends on our own life experiences most often concentrated on how our own identities have been affected by discriminatory/ignorant behavior. We are also able to broaden our life experiences via compliments of education that we receive from others regarding diversity, social justice, or what just seemed like a good idea/common sense/or tidbit of knowledge picked up from an interpersonal interaction with someone of a “new diversity” that you had yet to encounter. (e.g. “ooh, I didn’t know saying “that’s so gay” is offensive, thanks for letting me know, now I know!”). Hence, these behaviors that are discriminatory/ignorant have spanned the spectrum in terms of bullies at school (which has led to an increased suicide rate in lesbian/gay students, as shown in recent media), the use of various ethnic slurs (disrespectful and pejorative), and, in an all-factor-encompassing fashion, the less than equal treatment of someone else in various contexts (e.g. history of enslavement, DADT, gay marriage).
Diving straight in, especially with dry fingers can be quite painful to a woman. Foreplay will bring some natural lubrication to her vagina, and establish a trusting mood. Work your way slowly down her body paying close attention to her breasts. Even once you’re there, kiss her inner thighs and slowly get closer to her lips. This teasing builds her anticipation and gets her ready for what’s next.
Now that there’s less fabric between your fingers and her, you can alternate pressing and rubbing her bell in a circular motion. If you need an understanding of bell location, reference a good sex self help book or Wikipedia.
Invest at least three minutes of your total 15 in kissing. Studies by Lafayette College in the US found that kissing reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, quickening the time it takes to turn you both on. As you pay lip service, tilt your head to the right – scientists in Germany found this makes you seem more caring, flooding her system with the ‘connection’ chemical oxytocin, building trust and encouraging her to come quickly.
What works for one person does very little for another, and while the percentage of women who managed to orgasm while receiving anal sex might rave about its greatness, there are plenty of women who just don’t like it.
8. “If I say, ‘Oh yeah, just like that.’ Then keep doing it just like that. Don’t try to be creative and change it up, if you find something that is clearly working for me, stick with it until I tell you otherwise.” —Bri, 25
Here’s a little bit of history for you: Sigmund Freud made a pronouncement that the “mature” woman has orgasms only when her vagina, but not her clitoris, is stimulated — this is commonly referred to as the “vaginal orgasm”. The emphasis on stimulation from penetration made the man’s penis central to a woman’s sexual satisfaction. It is important to emphasize that Freud did not base his theory upon a study of woman’s anatomy, but rather upon his assumptions of woman as inferior to men.
Remember that women’s sexual arousal builds up gradually, and it can progress more slowly than a man’s arousal. For that reason, it is always best to start giving a woman oral sex slowly and softly. She may be very sensitive, especially at the start, and going too hard or too fast can be overwhelming. Some women cannot tolerate direct contact with their clitoris and need to have the area pretty wet for it to be comfortable. Others will prefer that you always lick across the clitoris over the skin that covers it so that you don’t have direct contact with it. Some will prefer that you incorporate licking over the U-Spot as well. By going slow you have a chance to explore the area and find out just what she likes and where. A good example to follow is thinking about how you would lick an ice-cream cone. You can start off with a wide, soft tongue and take it from there. This is also less tiring, so you can go on for a longer period of time. If she wants you lick harder or have a pointier tongue, she will let you know.
Take it slow – When you finally decide to show her mercy and end the teasing, start off with a few gentle licks around the lips. Take your time and work your way up to the rough stuff (if that’s what she’s into).
For a woman, it’s often more important to connect emotionally before establishing a physical connect. Start off with something that you know will touch her heart. Plan a romantic evening – dinner, soft lights, music and wine – the works. Start with the wine to get her relaxed. Pull her close and let the wine and the music do the trick! Before you know it, it’ll be she who unleashes her moves on you!