And when I say firm strokes, I mean firm. When you’re more than a few minutes into stimulating her, it’s nearly impossible to go too hard with a few fingers. Think about it: babies come out of there. It can handle a lot of stress. Some of the best orgasms I’ve given women were when I was giving it every ounce of strength I had.
Some women need to concentrate on erotic fantasies to get an orgasm. The fantasies which work for some women can be weird and contain actions they would never do in real life. Thinking “maybe I cannot get an orgasm” may destroy the ability to get an orgasm.
Indeed, women can often have another orgasm soon after their first; which is distinctly different to men, who have a refractory period, during which it is impossible for them to become sexually aroused again.
#5 Turn her on and make her wet. Turning her on with foreplay before fingering is a useful trick to make the experience more enjoyable for both. If she’s really turned on, she lubricates freely and she responds better to stimulation.
Now you know how to finger a woman! You’re ready to finger a woman whenever she asks for it — any time, any place. Just be sure she’s referring to the sex act of fingering and not “fingerplay” nursery rhymes or musical “fingering.” That would be an awkward misunderstanding. Although, giving your hot music teacher an orgasm might be fun.
Many women say that oral sex gives them more stimulation than penetration. So remember to take it easy and avoid being rough, especially to begin with. Look where you are going too. Gently part the outer lips of the vagina and look for the vaginal opening, and the hooded clitoris above it. These are the most pleasurable areas to stimulate, and are the key to giving the best head. Thrusting a tongue in and out of the vagina might feel good for a moment or two, but it won’t be enough to tip her over the edge.
The Key to Better Sex. OK. So maybe female orgasm doesn’t have one big secret. But while movies and Internet pornography often make sex look easy, the reality is that it takes some practice to really get it right. Fortunately, that’s half the fun.
Be especially romantic sometimes, out of the blue. Keep it light. Let her know that you love having sex with her, whether the earth moves for her or not. Listen to her, and be guided by what she wants, but don’t “make her drive” all the time. Either it will happen, or it won’t.
It’s unfortunate that anon can’t conveniently follow up, but I’d add to all the good above advice (particularly TPS, paulSC and Miko) – are you sure that what you describe as simply accepting a blow-off answer from the doc isn’t her way of telling you that she’s okay with things as they are and to just let it be?
https://naughtygirlwrites.wordpress.com/2016/06/15/16-women-on-how-they-wish-guys-would-give-them-oral-thought-catalog/ 16 Women On How They Wish Guys Would Give Them Oral — Thought Catalog | naughtygirlwrites
Telling an inexperienced person to try to suck on a woman’s clit is a little like telling a child that it’s okay to pet the tiger at the zoo. Some people think “suck” means “suction with the ferocity of ten vacuum cleaners”. Even a person who understands the need to take it slow and gentle may not understand exactly how sensitive a clit can be. Hint: Some clits are insanely sensitive, like if a leaf were to brush against it, it would really hurt. So my advice would be to suck on a clit at all if you are not that experienced. If she asks you to, or if you ask her and she says it’s okay, use as little suction as possible and gauge up from there.
I agree with the CAT position, it seems to work well. But in the end, it still seems like a woman is much like a car on a cold winter day; they need warming up. From what I’ve learned from my partners and friends is that men mostly just don’t take the time to “warm them up.” Also, men make it a lot about themselves and less about the woman–this is what my friends sentiment is. Also, just being a fun lover is what women want more than anything, a guy who just makes sex fun. Women are usually pretty insecure about their bodies even if they are what we men would call a 10. From my experience, women have to just get out of their heads and worry less about themselves physically. Regardless of positions or angles, or anything else–it starts in their heads unlike us.
Although this article was written with the best of intentions, it is important to point out for StudLife and its readers that titling this piece “A guy’s guide to oral sex” is, without question, heterosexist. That title actually promotes injustices, marginalizes the LGBT community, reinforces the heterosexual sense of privilege and normativity, and could be interpreted as an ignorant and discriminatory statement. Education is the only solution to promoting “Socially Just” dialogue internal and external to StudLife. Therefore, I would recommend that care be taken in future articles to insure that meaning is properly worded. Perhaps, re-wording your title to take away the assumption that the reader is heterosexual, or speaking to both heterosexual and homosexual populations in your piece would be ways in which these concerns are eliminated. Thank you and feel free to contact your friends in Residential Life and/or the SJC for more information.
The large disparities seen for women of different sexualities, the authors say, could at least in part be down to other women being more likely to take turns at inducing orgasms, and having a better understanding than men that female orgasms are not primarily associated with vaginal sex.
Performing any sexual act is just as mental as it is physical. Women innately are good at multitasking, so clear your mind because that is going to be your greatest strength for this exercise. Find a comfortable position to do the act. It can be strenuous on the neck so try kneeling in front of him while he either stands or sits down with his legs open. If you’re a little advanced, have him lay flat and you kneel over him.
By now, your girl should be clawing at the sheets, but don’t be mistaken in thinking you need one final trick to clinch the result. “Women hate too much chopping and changing of techniques,” says Dr Joni Frater, co-author of Love Her Right (Booksurge). “It distracts us, and takes our arousal back to the starting blocks.” You don’t really want to start over just before you reach the finish, do you? “When you start doing something that causes a positive response, keep doing it, at exactly the same speed and pressure.” Save your new technique for next time. Since you’ve just orchestrated a 15-minute orgasm with shuttle-launch precision, that’s something she’ll be demanding very soon. So grab a breather and prepare for take-off… again!
“I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her man. She may be the extreme, but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman,” says holistic sex and relationship expert Kim Anami.
Men under 50 need to understand that it often takes women quite a while to become highly aroused, like 30 to 45 minutes. That’s why men should not jump into vaginal intercourse. They should allow women the time they need to become sufficiently aroused to actually enjoy intercourse. That’s why whole-body touching is so important. Touching women all over (not just their breast and between their legs) but everywhere from their scalp to their feet not only gives them the time they need to become highly aroused and ready for genital play, it also makes genital sex more enjoyable because whole-body arousal increases genital sensitivity to touch. The same is true for men.
The good news is it’s not difficult. You just need to understand one golden rule: employ the art of teasing. To deny a woman what she wants until the last possible moment is to have her coming harder than ever. You must learn to divert your attention away from the obvious areas, which are, in general ascending order (but variable from woman to woman): her nipples, ass, G-spot and clit.
Whatever doctor told her she can’t have orgasms is full of shit. Barring any medical conditions, there’s absolutely no reason it would be impossible. For you, though, what you can do is provide sensuous, fun, warm, pressure-free, comfortable sex that is obsessively not goal-oriented. There is nothing unsexier than trying wayyy too hard to give her an orgasm; that experience swiftly becomes all about worrying that you’re disappointing your partner, or feeling guilty that he’s working so hard and nothing’s happening. Worry and guilt are unsexy emotions. So just enjoy each other, keep it light, keep exploring. It’ll happen.
Take a short break: That said, don’t leave the bed. If you both have reached your orgasm and plan to continue lovemaking, stay in bed. To revive your energy levels, hug, cuddle, kiss and talk. Remember, lovemaking is not just a physical act and it requires a level of emotional bonding too. Once you’ve reached climax don’t just turn your back on her or flip onto your back; look deep into her eyes and reassure her about how attracted you are to her and how much you cherish your time with her. Do this and odds are you wont need to work too hard to stimulate her for a continued session of love making.
By contrast, 80 per cent of heterosexual women and 91 per cent of lesbians always or usually orgasm with a combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex – but without vaginal sex. “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement,” said Prof Lloyd.
…consult a sex therapist. Sex therapists have an excellent track record helping couples in your situation. To find one near you, visit any of these organizations online: The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists; the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
The G-spot is located about 2-3 inches deep and upwards, towards the front wall. You should feel a rougher patch of skin. Imagine trying to touch her belly button internally and you’ve got the right idea. Start slowly, softly, and then, build yourself up to a hard thrust.
Co-author of the research Elisabeth Lloyd, a professor of biology at Indiana University and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm, continued: “About 30 per cent of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect.
Sometimes, couples start with foreplay and manual or oral stimulation, then switch to intercourse with the woman on top until the woman gets her orgasm, then switch to the man on top until the man gets an orgasm. But this is something each couple will have to try out what they prefer.
Some girls get aroused by seeing you lose yourself to desire. If she wants to go down on you, let her, but don’t dare force her to. If you’re about to come in her mouth, tell her so, and if she’s ok with it, do it. Some girls get turned on by this. Some girls hate it. Some girls want you to come first because it turns them on. Some girls want to come together with you. Some want to come before you.
But because you are flat on the bed, you get very different sensations from any rear-entry position where your bottom is up in the air. And you can slip your hand in between the bed and your body and rub your own clitoris.
And if you don’t warm her up, and penetrate her properly, it probably WILL take her 15 – 20 minutes to get off… and most men don’t know what the hell they’re doing when they’re in the bedroom, so either 1) the girl naturally has quick/easy orgasms, or 2) she’s putting on a performance to please her man’s ego.
This makes a lot of women believe that they can’t have multiple orgasms. But they can. All women can. By giving her a little time to recuperate and then SLOWLY building the pressure up again with a much lighter technique, you can make her come again a second time.
As we all pursue our higher purposes and make contributions to the world around us, there is undoubtedly a component of interaction that takes place with other people, all with their own differences categorically spanned across both majority and minority groups and areas of opinion. With the intent of being mindful of those around us and in doing our best to be compassionate in what we do, be it someone that writes for a newspaper or interacts daily with students as a housekeeper on the South 40, we all make/intend an effort, conscious or not, and to different degrees, to not make preconceived judgments and assumptions about the people with whom we interact. Discrimination is defined in many ways, but it is simply “the state of being biased or having a belief or attitude formed beforehand.” Thus, it is THIS underlying causative factor that forms the foundation of racism, sizeism, classism, heterosexism, etc. Whether or not we see these discriminations exemplified by society (or a given article that makes a preconceived judgment/assumption that its readers are heterosexual) depends on our own life experiences most often concentrated on how our own identities have been affected by discriminatory/ignorant behavior. We are also able to broaden our life experiences via compliments of education that we receive from others regarding diversity, social justice, or what just seemed like a good idea/common sense/or tidbit of knowledge picked up from an interpersonal interaction with someone of a “new diversity” that you had yet to encounter. (e.g. “ooh, I didn’t know saying “that’s so gay” is offensive, thanks for letting me know, now I know!”). Hence, these behaviors that are discriminatory/ignorant have spanned the spectrum in terms of bullies at school (which has led to an increased suicide rate in lesbian/gay students, as shown in recent media), the use of various ethnic slurs (disrespectful and pejorative), and, in an all-factor-encompassing fashion, the less than equal treatment of someone else in various contexts (e.g. history of enslavement, DADT, gay marriage).
Communicate your likes and dislikes, experiment to see what feels best for both of you. And for some ideas of well-known positions that many women find ideal, read the best sex positions for women to have orgasms.
The brain is our largest sex organ and we’re doing ourselves a huge disservice if we ignore this fact. It’s completely possible to orgasm or get so worked up you could come in seconds without any physical contact at all by taking the time to engage in a little filthy talk before or even instead of sex.
Oral sex is an essential part of great foreplay, but can be a full-on sexual experience in its own right. Plus, getting her aroused orally means less pressure on you to last forever during the main event.