Firstly, always ask permission first. You may be in the mood to pleasure your partner, but check in with them first. If your partner isn’t in the mood, then don’t be disappointed. Allowing a space in a relationship for either partner to say no without consequence removes many unnecessary barriers regarding sex. Knowing that you both have the freedom to take a rain check creates much more trust and intimacy in your sexual relating than if you react negatively to their “no.”
Place your left hand on top of her pubic bone (at her lower belly) and apply pressure in a circular motion to a point directly above the one you’re already caressing internally (if this isn’t clear yet, keep reading and it will make sense). You should be stimulating the same spot from two directions (on the outside with the left hand and from the inside with the right hand, if you’re following me exactly!) You are now in the process of stimulating three of your partner’s most sensitive spots!
Below are some items on how to help a woman get an orgasm. Always note, however, that getting a woman to enjoy sex is not the same thing as getting her to have an orgasm, since women can enjoy other things with sex more than the orgasm. Thus, if a man wants his woman to be happy, it may be more important to provide closeness and love rather than orgasm. Most women are not satisfied if the man enters them too early, but that is not because of lack of orgasm but because of lack of love and intimacy.
In the plateau phase (see diagram above) a woman is highly aroused, both physically and mentally, and she can remain in that state for some time without reaching orgasm unless additional stimulation is applied to take her over into the orgasm phase.
Seriously? You felt it necessary to chastise an individual for creatively expressing their experience simply to, in my personal opinion, further whatever ideal you are trying to glorify, which i can only assume is egalitarianism in nature. This article was not meant to breed socio-political correctness, it was an informational piece about pleasing a woman/female (in the sense that the human race has been signifying since the dawn of written/spoken word). This article isn’t a ‘bash’ nor exclusion of anyone; if you are not looking to amplify your sex life with a genetic female…then the article isn’t for you. Plain and simple. Your comment is a direct representation of what is wrong with society today…people wanting individualism without sacrificing separatism. If, in fact, society rid itself of all its descriptors chaos would ensue. Think that’s a bit overboard? Misunderstanding or a lack of comprehensiveness is what strife and wars. We don’t need to suppress authors like this from using descriptors…we need to stop objectifying every word each of us says as being oppressive. Much like your response to this author was. An oppression of free expression. So my question to you is…are you practicing what you preach?
Obviously, we don’t need to convince how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. “Touch, pleasure and orgasms all have a host of health benefits including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional wellbeing,” says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, she adds, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness for the woman. (Read more! Your Brain On: An Orgasm.)
While this guide was written primarily for an audience of heterosexual males, I don’t know if that is automatic grounds for deeming it discriminatory and ignorant. One of the points of the article is that guys, being guys, do not have an intuitive knowledge of the female body, and that following the advice given might help guys be able to make foreplay and oral sex more pleasurable for women. Whether or not men need guide on how to eat out women more than women do, I can’t say, but its an important part of the purpose of the article that I don’t think can be ignored.
Below is some discussion about how to help a woman get an orgasm. Important to note is that obtaining an orgasm may not be what is most important for her. Maybe other things are more important. Do not feel forced to obtain orgasm for the woman, unless this is her own wish.
And perhaps the most obvious sign of her bodily arousal is production of vaginal lubrication, sometimes in large quantities, so much so that she may feel the wetness growing and seeping outwards into her underwear.
And over the last 10 years or so, I’ve made somewhere between 20 and 30 women have multiple orgasms in just a few minutes… (I’m not a male gigolo; just a very horny man in Miami, a city with plenty of “resources” in the female department).
Also when you or she feels like she is about to “pee” or you want to make sure she is not faking it just move your fingers back about an 1/2 inch to an inch and you should feel it start to sort of balloon up i guess you could say and then just carefuly press on it and almost flaten it out and she will cum hope this helps!
@Danny, I don’t understand how Austin’s original post merits such a mocking, condescending response. Although I did not have as strong a reaction to this article as Austin did, I understand and sympathize with his argument. Austin’s point may seem overly-sensitive to you, but both of you bring different experiences to your reading. I find it tasteless to attack his criticisms, especially in the dehumanizing way by which you do it.
Once you make it to her clit and vagina, gently lick all around. Direct stimulation can be too intense for some, so explore the surrounding area. Ask her where she likes to be touched. You don’t have to be rough with your mouth unless she wants you to. It’s always best to start off slow, unless she specifically requests otherwise. Some women do like it when you roughly use your tongue and mouth, but only do so if she asks.
I would like to ADD, it would be great if there was more porn for women, like girl friendly stuff. Dont take the men out of porn but have hotter, younger guys with less body hair and obviously nice looking penises.
Allow her to take the lead: If you really want her to get more epic orgasms, then don’t call all the shots. Allow her to take the lead as well and control the rhythm of things. Give her a chance when you have aroused her enough to get into the act. This will really help her be her best in bed and you should find the experience to be a lot more satisfying than you could possibly imagine.
She said that a doctor (a nonspecialist) once told her that “some women just can’t have an orgasm.” While this may be true on some level, I got the feeling it was just a dismissive answer–the guy didn’t do any sort of examination. She has basically accepted the diagnosis (which is easy to do if you don’t know what you’re missing!)
I’m going to go one step further than this and suggest that that you go ahead and experiment with different techniques, positions and whatever under the specific understanding that she is not going to have an orgasm and you’re not going to try to give her one. The difference between “If it happens, it happens” and “It’s not going to happen” is that the latter gets rid of the last little bit of anxiety.
“Swallow – You know what I’m talking about! If you’re doing it right, it will be inevitable that she will urinate in your mouth. Don’t be afraid. Encourage her. And when she does, give her the same courtesy you’d expect and swallow every drop.”
When you’re with a partner and you feel like the big O just isn’t going to happen, don’t resort to faking it. First of all, if he finds out, he’ll be really hurt. Second of all, that’s not going to help you in the future – if a guy thinks he’s doing the right thing (but he’s actually not), he’s just going to do it again. Instead, instruct him on what to do. Believe it or not, guys love the advice.
Your man wants nothing more than to see you orgasm one or twice (don’t worry, he’ll catch up!). “Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their women enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure,” says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills, give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like “I’m taking too long” or “He must be getting bored down there,” then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to Have an Amazing Orgasm: Eliminate Distraction.)
I was sort of a late-bloomer to the whole O thing. And at first, I wasn’t even very good at getting myself off (like the plateau thing your GF describes). But it’s like riding a bicycle (horrible metaphor, yes). Once you know how, you just can.
As a woman, who has been trained as a physician, and has a habit of giving books on sex to any couple silly enough to invite me to their wedding, I have to chime in here and agree with Sam Kelly that IT DEPENDS.
What this means is that his penis doesn’t go all the way into the vagina. Instead, the stem or root of it is pulled hard against the clitoris – producing great sensations in that all-important little organ.
#6 Keep communication open. Keeping communication open is a good way to monitor your “progress.” This can be done simply by asking her if she’s enjoying what you’re doing with your fingers. You could also include dirty talk by telling her how you like her response to your stimulation which turns her on further.
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I agree with the CAT position, it seems to work well. But in the end, it still seems like a woman is much like a car on a cold winter day; they need warming up. From what I’ve learned from my partners and friends is that men mostly just don’t take the time to “warm them up.” Also, men make it a lot about themselves and less about the woman–this is what my friends sentiment is. Also, just being a fun lover is what women want more than anything, a guy who just makes sex fun. Women are usually pretty insecure about their bodies even if they are what we men would call a 10. From my experience, women have to just get out of their heads and worry less about themselves physically. Regardless of positions or angles, or anything else–it starts in their heads unlike us.
Move your tongue in an up and down motion, or side to side. But keep up a rhythm, slow at first then building up. The clitoris is sensitive at the beginning, so going straight at it hard and fast with the tip of your tongue is likely to turn her off.
Start by kissing your partner down there – on her inner thighs and lower belly, gradually approaching the clitoris. Start gently licking. Do not apply too much pressure! It’s full of sensitive nerve endings, so be gentle!
In one study, researchers worked with 36 women who could not have orgasms in the missionary position. Half the women were encouraged to masturbate to become more comfortable with their genitals and their sexual responsiveness, a standard approach in sex therapy. The others were taught the CAT. Based on diaries kept during the 21-day period after this training, the masturbation group reported a 27 percent increase in orgasms during missionary-position intercourse, while the CAT group reported twice the increase, 56 percent.
For reference, this seems to be a tl;dr of one chapter of “She Comes First”, aka “Cunnilingus for Dummies.” It’s fairly enlightening and, for lack of a better word, educational – basic technique, mindset, it goes over the basics and then some. If anything, it’ll give you ideas. Would recommend.
This is the kind of information that a man trying to make a woman come needs to know – for example, it is often a better idea for him to give her an orgasm before entering her and enjoying his own orgasm.