For her, this really does everything to do with being comfortable, relaxed, and free of anxiety. Every woman has to learn to have orgasms at some point…some of us figured it out independently at a young age, others may have had hangups or negative experiences with sexuality that made them feel they shouldn’t explore it. She has some learning to do, but it’s nothing the rest of us haven’t done (and continue to do…amazing how we can always surprise ourselves). It will probably be easier, at least at first, for her to learn this on her own and probably in private in conjunction with whatever she does with you.
“Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more,” Anami says. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call “the arousal gap.” How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques, because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads us to…
Use lubricants if needed: For a woman to have multiple orgasms she must be comfortable and find the experience to be pleasurable, more than painful. The vaginal area is extremely sensitive, so if you are going to make love not once or twice, but a couple of times, use a lubricant to lubricate the area. Soreness of the vaginal area will diminish any pleasure and can make intercourse so painful that she may not even reach a single orgasm.
Gentlemen, start her engine. Your challenge is to master the art of the 15-minute orgasm, turning the pre-work fumble or half-time quickie into an explosion that she’s still shuddering from two hours later. It can be done. Sexologists at the Kinsey Institute in the US found that the average woman can orgasm after 10-20 minutes of sex. And aside from the instant spike in your approval ratings, there’s more sex in it for you. Research in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found – somewhat unsurprisingly – that women with an increased likelihood of orgasm demanded more time between the sheets.
From another perspective, the adage that the mind is the most important erogenous organ is totally true. Seduce her imagination, and let her little fantasies and scripts just start doing all that work for you. If she feels turned on and safe with you, she’ll probably start telling you how to get her off.
“We had the rare opportunity to look at responses from over 50,000 people, including over 2,000 gay, lesbian, and bisexual men and women,” said David Frederick, lead author of the research from Chapman University.
This is the kind of information that a man trying to make a woman come needs to know – for example, it is often a better idea for him to give her an orgasm before entering her and enjoying his own orgasm.
Sometimes I think I’m alone in this. I just don’t think it’s that fantastic. I like to be bodily manipulated instead. And fingering. I just don’t cum at all from oral. It’s nice but it’s just not that exciting ever.
“[Going down on a woman] is awesome. Especially when the sexual, physical and spiritual connection is there, it’s like two bodies connecting and expanding into a universe of sensation. It’s just all around awesome.” — Alan*, 33
When you’re with a partner and you feel like the big O just isn’t going to happen, don’t resort to faking it. First of all, if he finds out, he’ll be really hurt. Second of all, that’s not going to help you in the future – if a guy thinks he’s doing the right thing (but he’s actually not), he’s just going to do it again. Instead, instruct him on what to do. Believe it or not, guys love the advice.
13. “I love it when he adds a little finger action in there. It’s like adding toppings to your froyo. Like yeah it’s good without it, but if I can add some peanut butter cups and chocolate chips, hell yeah!” —Amy, 25
If I don’t orgasm within a few minutes, my fiance gets soft and falls asleep. He has implied that it’s too hard to do and takes too long. He loses “steam”. He has a window of opportunity to have sex or he loses interest and his erection. Pressure much? yes. I am a very affectionate and passionate woman and I’m attractive. He says I need more hair down there (no, I don’t shave the main stuff, just what creeps onto the legs). He also says I don’t have a smell…I’m “too clean”. I shower once a day and refuse to let my hygeine go. No fishy smells for me.
According to sexologists at the Masters & Johnson Institute, cunnilingus is the most reliable route to orgasm for 80% of women. Lou Paget, author of The Big O (Piatkus), recommends the Kivin Method as the fastest way of getting there. “With one hand, pull up her clitoral hood,” he says. “Then lick from side to side across its base, just above her clitoris.” Place one finger of the other hand on her perineum (the area directly below the opening of her vagina). When you can feel her pre-orgasmic contractions, you’ll know you’re in the right place.
Every female is different. There is no point in rigidly following those ‘Ten Easy Steps to Give Her an Oral Orgasm’ articles in lads’ mags. It isn’t like an exam, with right and wrong answers. Sometimes you have to experiment to see what works for both of you.
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Performing any sexual act is just as mental as it is physical. Women innately are good at multitasking, so clear your mind because that is going to be your greatest strength for this exercise. Find a comfortable position to do the act. It can be strenuous on the neck so try kneeling in front of him while he either stands or sits down with his legs open. If you’re a little advanced, have him lay flat and you kneel over him.
Let it hang completely loose and flick your tongue independently of any jaw tension. If you cramp up easily, you may have a lot of stored jaw tension that you need to release. To help open that up, check out tip #3 in my article 7 Stretches For Better Sex.
It’s go time! Get your fingers completely out of the area, and maybe do some last-minute kissing while you’re at it too. (Never underestimate the power of a good makeout session.) On your way down, avoid pulling the blankets over your head, because, you know, it tends to get really hot down there.
Talking to your partner about protection before you start having oral sex will help things go more smoothly. This can be embarrassing, but it’s an important part of having sex – and if you find it too difficult to discuss then it could be a sign that you aren’t ready to start having oral sex just yet.
The reason? During intercourse (missionary, doggie, woman-on-top, whatever), the penis does not directly stimulate the clitoris, the organ responsible for women’s orgasms. Sexuality experts reassure couples that the woman’s inability to experience orgasm during intercourse is (1) very common, (2) no reflection on her sexual responsiveness, (3) no reflection on the man’s sexual technique, and (4) no reflection the woman’s feelings about the relationship. I agree.
“For most women, your partner’s hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure he knows how to use them,” Rose says. Show him exactly how you like to be touched—and then let him explore. (Find out how to Have an Amazing Orgasm: Make Solo Sex Count.) “A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for good reason, as this combination allows him to turn on both the external clitoris and it’s internal roots,” Rose suggests. Move his hands to where you touch yourself, and give him audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
How can I give my wife an orgasm by having intercourse? She is not much into foreplay (2 small children not enough time). She prefers missionary style or spooning. She has not been interested in sex lately. It has been over 2 mths. She states that she hasn’t had an orgasm in a year. I know if I can help her orgasm intercourse she would have more sex.
It’s better to say “I love this!” or something that compliments what’s currently going on. We’re retards and understand everything literally when we focus on other stuff (like eating pussy). A message of “don’t stop” can mean we need to up the tempo etc.