Do not fondle the genital area until she is ready (use lubricating gel, which you can buy in a drug store). You need to have patience. She may not get an orgasm until after 20 minutes or more. And sometimes it will not work, even if you do everything right. You need to love her anyway.
When I met my wife, she was 27 and never had an orgasm. After a year and lots of experimentation, we found the solution for her was oral, with her on top bearing down hard for 5-10 minutes. After 20 years it’s still the only thing that works.
We were doing a sex change operation, and the patient got a raging hard on; the doc had the erect penis in her hand and said “I cant work with this hard-on in the way” we gave a med that guarantees to get it down, and continued with our business.
As you’re telling her your plans, nibble her ears and pull her hair backwards to expose her neck. Caress, kiss and bite it and put a hand down her knickers to make fleeting contact. Don’t leave your hand down there long. Grope her thighs and don’t be afraid to be strong and assertive – if she knows you’re in charge she won’t know what to expect. Pay her breasts some attention. Leave her bra on to begin with and unveil one nipple at a time, always leaving her wanting more. You’ll know when you’re achieving this, because she’ll try and put your head and your hands where she wants them.
– Use the index and middle finger for penetration. Start off with the middle finger as it is the longest and has the farther reach especially when stimulating the G-spot. Using both fingers is recommended for G-spot stimulation as it covers more surface area than one finger alone. [Read: How to finger yourself – A girl’s guide to fingering herself to ecstasy]
#4 Still not time for the clitoris. Yes, there’s still work to be done before you get there. If you think of the lips as forming a long, vertical ellipse, the inside of this is what you should focus on next. As a reference, just above this ellipse, tucked into its hood is the clitoris. Just below it is the perineum, or what people often call the “taint” – that in-between-area that ain’t pussy and ain’t ass.
I’ve been seeing this girl for a while. We’re both in our 20’s. Everything is going great, except that she has never had an orgasm. Ever. Not even by her own hand. We are both sexually experienced and have been with several prior partners. I like to think I know what I’m doing–I can find the G spot–but I’ve never run into such a tough case as this one.
Before you make your way down under, make sure she’s relaxed and comfortable. Some women can get super self-conscious over how long it’s going to take them to climax, but if you let her know you’re not in a rush, it’s more likely she’ll fully give herself up to the situation. Also, when she sees that you actually want to please her, and aren’t just doing it as a formality, it’ll turn her on and get her natural juices going even more.
Gently start to use your mouth on his penis or her vagina. Remember that oral sex is all about using both your tongue and your lips. If you are willing to explore the idea of the expansive nature of oral pleasure, then dive in with all parts of your mouth!
My advice is to talk to her about it openly. And try to take more control – it can be very sexy for a woman to have her partner tease her and make her wait. So if you’re confident enough, make her wait for it by giving her more foreplay and oral sex etc.
However, for women, it’s not always all about the O. Women’s sexuality often seems to be a bit differently constructed than men’s, and sex is best when that’s embraced and enjoyed rather than viewed as a challenge. It’s quite possible for many women to thoroughly enjoy sexual experiences that include lots of touching and kissing (genital and non-genital), talking, playfulness, intercourse, the whole nine yards, and never have an orgasm, and still consider it a very good and even satisfying experience. So it’s quite likely that your girlfriend is enjoying everything you’re doing already. That is, you’re probably not doing anything wrong, nor do you need to master special tricks at this stage.
Although we will never be perfect in accounting for every possible diversity, there is much we can learn from each other that can change the way we interact and communicate our ideas with less potential for discriminatory interpretation and causing heterosexist repercussions, such as those I previously described in my other comment. Speaking to your initial point, it doesn’t matter whether or not the article was written for a majority of heterosexual students. (Does that mean that discrimination is OK as long as you don’t discriminate on the “in-group”/majority group, compared to the “out-group”/minority group?) The actual article is unremarkable to this discussion insofar as there is still a belief that, as you state, “The title…“A Guy’s Guide to Oral Sex”…seems properly worded enough…because that’s what the article is about” continues to be the current position. That is, in fact, not what the article is geared up to be to many people. Therefore, in the context of this discussion and article, it is important to recognize that not only guys give oral sex to women (lesbian women, etc.), and that not all guys that are giving oral sex are giving such to women (gay men, etc.) A more appropriate title would be “Guide to Giving Women Oral Sex” where it does not assume that the person giving oral sex is neither a man, woman, nor anything in between, and does not assume that what is contained in the article is only informative to “guys”. I know quite a few lesbian women that would love to know #1-5!
Once you have found the right spot, women need repeated stimulation in the same area in order to reach orgasm. Remember that orgasm alone should not be the only focus of oral sex. Heightened arousal, lubrication, and pleasurable sensations are all important whether or not she reaches orgasm. Because good oral sex means spending a little time downstairs, make sure to find yourself a comfortable position that you can maintain for at least ten minutes. Don’t just for one minute then move on. If the position she prefers is too hard on your neck, try lifting her hips up by placing a pillow underneath them, or by having her on her side and resting your head on the inside of her thigh. Also, you do not have to tolerate being suffocated or having your head squeezed by her legs, so use your hands on the inside of her thighs to remind her if needed.
Plenty of men think that because a previous girlfriend always came a certain way, this one should follow suit. Women are not all the same in their likes or dislikes. So do try to treat your partner as an individual.
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The first time I vaginally orgasmed was last year, which is sad cause I’m 28. The pee feeling came. A secret: Pee BEFORE foreplay so in your mind, you know its not pee even if it feels like you might. In fact, it’s kinda hot, but you will see, it’s not pee. Also, I get pain with deep penetration so for me, the only angle I can come vaginally is if I ride on top, and kind of grind back and forth on my lover. You’ll then feel a gush, or flood. It’s totally different than a clitoral orgasm (which I’ve also learned how to squirt….again, let go of fears) which throws women off.
Therapy can help some women having difficulty with orgasm. For others, a medical condition or side effects from a medication may be causing the problem. Visit your doctor to rule out these causes. Options for treatment include the following:
Your primary sex organ is your clitoris, not your vagina. But youou already know that from masturbation. So as long as you orgasm during intercourse, you should not feel like you are missing anything.
As we previously reported, the Girls creator underwent a total hysterectomy in an effort to end her longtime battle with endometriosis. While the decision to have her cervix and uterus removed was one she had to make for medical reasons, she’s still struggling with “a broken heart.”
Pro tip: Keep her knees wide apart, and DON’T. RUSH. Essentially, what you’re doing is teasing her before you really get situated, so you’ll want to make sure this part lasts several minutes until she’s more or less begging for it.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending the last two years reading questions from you guys, it’s that orgasms can be tough. Movies, TV shows, porn and books make orgasms seem like the most magical thing a woman can go through (and, okay, they sort of are!). But if you’ve never really experimented with sexual stuff before, it can be hard to know if you’ve actually, you know, had one or not. And it can be even harder to figure out how to have one.
When we orgasm, it is a response of the nervous system to sexual stimulation. Both men and women can experience orgasm under certain conditions, typically following genital stimulation, but there is a lot of variation in people’s orgasm experiences, says Justin Garcia, Scientific Advisor for Match.com.
To get her to desire you and want to have sex, you have to court her, so that she feels like an attractive woman, and not like a service provider. Men can often make up a quarrel by making love, but women need to feel that the relationship is good first, in order to feel desire.
Diving straight in, especially with dry fingers can be quite painful to a woman. Foreplay will bring some natural lubrication to her vagina, and establish a trusting mood. Work your way slowly down her body paying close attention to her breasts. Even once you’re there, kiss her inner thighs and slowly get closer to her lips. This teasing builds her anticipation and gets her ready for what’s next.
I am 34 and my wife is 31. We have been married for five years. Since marriage, we have never been sure whether she has had a real orgasm. I am noticing her interest in sex declining, and assume it is because she is not getting enough pleasure out of it. Please suggest how I can increase her sexual pleasure and provide her with an orgasm.
For her, this really does everything to do with being comfortable, relaxed, and free of anxiety. Every woman has to learn to have orgasms at some point…some of us figured it out independently at a young age, others may have had hangups or negative experiences with sexuality that made them feel they shouldn’t explore it. She has some learning to do, but it’s nothing the rest of us haven’t done (and continue to do…amazing how we can always surprise ourselves). It will probably be easier, at least at first, for her to learn this on her own and probably in private in conjunction with whatever she does with you.